I am going through an exercise for the next 30 days to help free up my negative energy.

Even as I am committed to serving others, and I spend many hours cooking and driving and listening for people who need my support, I sometimes feel this work weakens me, and I need to understand and avoid that dynamic.

Part of it may stem from my mixing up commitment versus obligation.

My mother often did not follow through her on her commitments. As a result, I am loathe to break any plan, and get hurt easily when others break their commitment to me or even around me. as a result, If I make a commitment that comes from obligation, I can develop a sense of resentment, and become passive-aggressive, or harm myself in the process of following through.

Today, I acknowledge that service is my joy, and that sometimes it means I need to do work which does not thrill me or fulfill my every whim, and sometimes I will be dispassionate about it. That does not mean I am not a caring being, it just means I need to breathe through my work. In the end, I will be paid for my services, and someone else will get what they need.

Any negative feelings that come up, I will feel them and allow them to dissipate, leaving me better able to give and receive love. Meditation eases stress and judgement.

What do you struggle with?